Yay Or Neigh? 158 Horse Puns

Who doesn’t love horse puns? They’ve been around for years and years – and they never get old!

I’ve compiled a list of the 163 funniest horse puns. From joke lovers to horse fanatics, each horse pun is guaranteed to make you giggle. They’re straight from the horse’s mouth!

Why Are Horse Puns So Popular?

Horse puns are popular for many reasons. Firstly, horses have been an integral part of society for years and we’ve developed a close bond with these beautiful creatures. Secondly, horse puns are versatile. So, they can be used in lots of situations. Lastly, they’re easy to understand so that everyone can enjoy them!

Now that you know why they’re popular, let’s get on the list!

Get A Kick Out Of These Horse Puns And Jokes!

1. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
2. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bour!
3. What do you call a horse that travels the world? A globe trotter!
4. Why is the Bronco considered a poor horse? Because it’s only got a buck!
5. Why don’t horses use Android phones? Because they prefer Apples!
6. Why did the horse look so fit? It was on a stable diet.
7. What’s a horse’s favourite sport? Stable tennis!
8. How did the horse greet the other horse? It shouted: “Hay!”
9. What did the horse say after it fell over? “I’ve fallen, and I can’t giddy up!”
10. Maybe she’s barn with it… Maybe it’s Neigh-belline.
11. I’ve got a horse named Mayo. Mayo neighs a lot.
12. We had a government-employed doctor in our area. He was half horse and half man. He was from the centaur for disease control.
13. Why did the sick pony see the doctor? He was just a little horse!
14. When the horse with the sore throat came back from the doctor, I asked him what the doctor said. The horse said the doctor gave him some cough stirrup!
15. How did the horse pay for the cough stirrup? With a credit colt!
16. There’s a horse that runs with a blazing speed. We call him Neigh-palm.
17. A horse walks up to another horse, and says, “Can I ask you equestrian?”. The other horse looks back and says, “Neigh”.
18. Did you hear about the horse that won the race despite the odds? He disregarded all of the neigh-sayers!
19. My friend is half horse, and he always gets attention. He’s always the centaur of attention.
20. I decided to buy a horse one day. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, and now I’m saddled with so many responsibilities.
21. What do you call horses that haunt your dreams? Night-mares!
22. What’s a horse’s favourite book? Harry Trotter and the Hoofblood Prince.
23. My neighbour’s horse got possessed by a demon, so we had to call an ex-horse-ist.
24. A little horse borrowed some money from his friend, but couldn’t pay him back for quite a while. So, one day his friend got fed up and told him, “Pony up!”
25. I went to a racetrack the other day to watch the horse racing. I noticed that the horse stalls were labelled “F”, “E”, “D”, “B”, and “A”. I went to the betting desk and asked why there was a letter missing. The person behind the desk told me it was because nobody had ever bet on a seahorse.
26. Did you hear about the horse robot that malfunctioned? It went hay-wire.
27. What disease are horses most afraid of? Hay fever!
28. I love having dinner at a horse’s house. They’ve got such amazing horse-pitality!
29. I booked tickets to a concert for myself and my horse friend. I said we should go early to see the opening act, but he said he was only interested in the mane attraction.
30. The things they put in a horse’s mouth – do they hurt? A bit!
31. What did the horse say to the foal that wasn’t sleeping? It’s pasture bedtime!
32. Who are the two best horse thieves? Bonnie and Clydesdale!
33. I heard my friend got a new boyfriend. She said he was her mane man.
34. What do you call a horse that’ll follow you into war? A ride-or-die!
35. Why do horses make good accountants? They know how to be financially stable!
36. Where do horses shop? Old Neigh-vy!
37. Why was the horse’s mouth open when it ate? It had bad stable manners!
38. One of the most difficult things to do is to talk to a racehorse. They can’t stay still furlong!
39. Why did the horse have a negative attitude? It was tired of all of the horse puns.
40. The problem with most horses is that they’re incredibly naughty. The always stirrup trouble!
41. Why couldn’t the horse change gear? It stalled!
42. What do you call a horse that’s secretive? A dark horse!
43. Why was the young horse sent off the soccer field? It foal-ed too many times!
44. What place do horses book to go on holiday? Maine!
45. What’s the word for a horse haircut? Mane-tenance!
46. Horses are only ever born in one hospital. It’s a long drive for some horses because it’s in Filly!
47. I keep seeing my horse eat my pillow. Finally, I got fed up and kicked him out. It was the last straw!
48. Have you watched the new sci-fi movie? It’s all about inter-gallop-tic space travel!
49. Why did the horse cross the road? Because another horse shouted “hay!”.
50. How did the horse with the speech impediment feel after the corrective surgery went wrong? A bit filly!
51. Horses are so patriotic. They always stand for the grand national anthem!
52. Why can’t horses queue properly? They always jockey for the position!
53. Where do horses prefer to sit in the movies? Anywhere in the stalls.
54. My poor horse got very sick, so I had to take him to the horse-pital!
55. I served an Italian horse the other day. I asked what the horse wanted to eat, and he asked for a big plate of spaghetti bolog-neighs!
56. Did you hear about the new blacksmith and how good he is at fitting horseshoes? He absolutely nailed it!
57. What kind of boxing technique do horses prefer? The pommel.
58. What’s a horse’s favourite kind of fruit? Canter-loupe.
59. I heard my horse gossiping with other horses. So I told him to rein it in because it would only stirrup trouble!
60. What musical group did the horse decide to join? The band Foals!
61. I don’t know why you keep complaining about things. You need to get off your high horse!
62. Who is a horse’s favourite sportsman? David Haye!
63. What happened when the horse decided to learn the violin? He became the fiddler on the hoof!
64. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe on the ground? That some poor horse is only wearing socks!
65. The newlywed horse couple wanted to find a place to stay for the night, so they found a hotel and booked a bridle suite!
66. What do you call a horse that people dry washing on? A clothes-horse!
67. Why did the horse prefer the sportscar? It had full horse-power!
68. I heard two horses greet each other, I swear! They were talking about horse jokes! It came straight from the horses’ mouths!
69. Did you hear about the horse that ran from the altar? She got colt feet!
70. What do you call a horse that doesn’t have any clothes? Neigh-ked!
71. You can never insult a jump jockey – they always take of-fence.
72. What kind of container does a horse prefer to carry lunch in? Tin foal!
73. Why did the horse join the academic institution? He got great end-horse-ments!
74. Do you know most horses pay their houses off in in-stallion-ments?
75. I was listening to my poor horse talk about his series of bad fortune. It just seemed to go from bad to worse with every terrible tale. When he finished, all I could think to say was, “Well, when it reins, it pours!”.
76. What kind of food does a horse eat? Thorough-bread!
77. How do you make a horse change gear? You use a canter lever!
78. Did you hear about the horse that was hobbled? It was a bit lame.
79. Why do horses fart when they race? They don’t get full horse power without some gas!
80. Why did the horse apply to law school? He was great at noticing the small de-tails!
81. We went to see Queen the other night. My horse loved every second, but the mane event was their song, “Crazy Little Thing Colt Love”.
82. When does the horse talk? Whinny wants to!
83. Did you hear about the boy who stood being the horse? He thought he’d get a kick out of it. But the horse got a fright and ran into a wall, so we had to take him to the horse-pital!
84. A horse walks into a bar. The barman confuses horse puns with idioms and offers the horse a glass of water. But, try as he might, he can’t make the horse drink.
85. A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, “Hey”. The horse says, “You read my mind!”.
86. What do you call an Italian horse wearing Venetian blinds? A zebra.
87. What American state do horses prefer visiting? Negh-braska.
88. I bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1, and it did! Unfortunately, all the others came in at 12:30.
89. How do you make a small fortune on horse racing? Start with a big one!
90. Where did the little horse go for his holiday? Little Italy!
91. Two horses stand in a field. One horse says “I’m so hungry, I could eat a me!” The other horse says, “This is no time for silly puns, Jerry.”
92. What’s a horse’s favourite dance move? The neigh-nae.
93. My horse told me that Nelson Mandela visited him once. “Did you like him?” I asked. “Not as much as his wife, Winnie”, he replied.
94. My horse told me that he loves music. “Really?”, I asked. “Definitely!” he said. “My favourite group is Stall and Oats!”
95. I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. Before the race started, I saw the horse bring everybody tea, and when the race began, he stopped and closed the gate behind him!
96. How do you make an appaloosa? Shake the tree.
97. What kind of cheese can hide a little horse? Mask-a-pony!
98. Did you hear about the pony that became a famous mobster? He was just a little horse, but he had a big personality. His name was Al Ca-pony!
99. What’s a horse’s favourite type of cookie? Oat!
100. Why did the horses queue for days to get concert tickets? They wanted to see Britney Spurs!
101. What’s a horse’s favourite candy? Jolly Ranchers
102. Why did the horse go into the stalls before the race? To change its jockeys!
103. What do you call a horse that can play the electric guitar? A rocking horse!
104. What do you call a runaway horse? Unstable.
105. What’s a horse’s favourite day of the week? Mane-day.
106. How do horses stay in touch? They send neigh-mails.
107. What’s a horse’s favourite car? A Mustang.
108. Why did the horse join the orchestra? It had a neigh-tural talent!
109. Did you hear about the sick horse? He nearly passed away, but he’s in a stable condition now!
110. Why are horses good telemarketers? They’re brilliant at colt calling!
111. What do you call a horse that loves arts and crafts? A hobby horse.
112. What’s a horse’s favourite Beatles song? Yellow Sub-mare-ine!
113. I’ve got such a sick horse. All he wants to do all day is neigh-p!
114. How do horses stay calm? They practice zen neigh-ditation.
115. Why did the horses book a trip to space? To see the mare-velous view!
116. Why did the horse become a stand-up comedian? It had a knack for telling jokes off the hoof!
117. Have you seen a bartering horse shop? They’re brilliant at neigh-gotiation!
118. Did you hear about the stallion that ploughed the field all day? He’s a real work-horse!
119. Did you hear about the horse that got arrested? He turned himself in because he felt rem-horse-ful, and now he’s on trial for suspected mare-der!
120. When he was on trial, the horse kept trying to avoid answering questions. Eventually, the judge had to tell him to stop stall-ing and get on with it!
121. What do you call a horse that tests your eyes? An opto-mare-trist!
122. What do horses like on their sandwiches? Neigh-tella!
123. The horse with a busted leg tried to tell me a horse joke, but I just couldn’t find them funny. It was a little lame.
124. Why did the horse start a fitness class? It wanted to be in neigh-ce shape!
125. My horse won’t stop trying to eat my computer. I know I shouldn’t have gotten a Mcintosh!
126. I turned on the news to hear some shocking information about the economy today! Two colts were talking about a sudden crash in housing prices I wouldn’t have believed it, but it came straight from the horses’ mouths!
127. What school subject do horses do best in? Horse-story!
128. What’s a horse’s favourite cake? Carrot.
129. What do you say when you see a horse living well? It’s got a stable environment!
130. What’s a horse’s favourite horror movie? Night-mares on Elm Street!
131. My horses always leave an absolute mess in their stables. You’d swear they were raised in a barn!
132. What do you call an Amish person with his hand in a horse’s mouth? A mechanic!
133. What did the tired horse say to his friend? It’s time to hit the hay!
134. My horse can escape from anything. No matter what I do, he keeps getting out. That’s why I call him Hoof-deani!
135. Did you hear about the horses that won awards for their hard work? They were out-standing in their fields!
136. What do racehorses love eating? Fast food!
137. These horse puns are funny, but some of them are just a bit foolish.
138. Did you see the new catering company run by horses? They specialise in horse-d’oeuvres!
139. I went to see some horses perform at a show last weekend. They were amazing, except for one horse that only did the same thing over and over. He was a real one-trick-pony!
140. My horses are incredibly flexible. It must be all of the gym-neigh-stics training they’ve been doing!
141. Why didn’t the baby horse go for a dip after eating? Because it knew not to swim on a foal stomach!
142. What did the Jedi say to the cowboy before he set off on his adventure? May the horse be with you.
143. What do you call a one-eyed horse? A cy-clippity-clops.
144. Why do pregnant horses run faster? They’ve got more horse power!
145. Horses are great at racing, but they’re horrible dancers because they’ve got two left feet!
146. The new stable boy is great! He gets all of the horses on the carriage without a hitch!
147. What classes do winged horses go to? Peg-classes!
148. How do horses drink wine? With de-canters.
149. Did you hear about the horse that got lost at sea? He found land after 3 days! Can you imagine all that time in a boat, roan and roan?
150. What kind of dancing do horses love? The fox-trot!
151. What breed of horse is the coldest? A freezian!
152. My horse is always optimistic. No matter the situation, he always finds a way to see life as a glass hoof full!
153. What’s a horse’s favourite wine? Chardonn-hay.
154. What’s the hardest part about learning to ride a horse? The ground!
155. What’s a horse’s favourite cartoon? My Little Pony!
156. How long should a racehorse’s legs be? Long enough to reach the ground!
157. Which side of a horse has the most hair? The outside!
158. What do you call a horse running in a circle? Centrifugal horse!

Conclusion

I hope this list of horse puns and horse jokes made you laugh out loud – or at least breathe out of your nose slightly harder than usual. Make sure to remember some of these for your next social gathering – everybody loves silly puns!

FAQs

What’s the most famous horse pun?

The most famous horse pun is definitely the first one on this list!

How can I create my own horse puns?

Coming up with horse puns is actually easy! All you need to do is think of the aspects of a horse, and find a way to slot them into the conversation!

Are horse puns used in professional equestrian circles?

Definitely! While you won’t hear them all the time, horse puns and horse jokes are used in professional circles.